SITTING WITH FEAR
What does it mean to sit with fear?
This week I’ve found myself sitting with my fear quite a bit. I have a habit of masking fear and anxiety by becoming extra controlling in my life. The more anxious I become, the smaller and more controlled I make my world. Often, I don’t even realize I’m doing it! I get frustrated and rigid, and revert to old obsessive compulsive behaviors. I don’t stop to examine why I’m afraid, or what my need for control hides. I simply succumb to rigidity and close down my world in an effort to block out unknowns and questions.
But here’s the thing — the whole world is an unknown. And that’s the way it’s supposed to be! To seek to control the world is an impossible (and exhausting) task. We must let it go.
So what to do instead?
Sit with the fear.
Every time I feel the need to control or obsess, I take a deep breath. I remember that I am not responsible for everything. I ask myself 3 gentle questions —
What fear am I acting upon?
Is this truly something I can change?
Am I trying to control something I am not meant to?
I sit quietly. I remind myself that my brain is a wild and wondrous place. It can hold so much, but not all of what it wishes to hold is necessary or healthy. I can choose to let go of what feels scary or unhelpful.
I know that I am more than my instincts. I am more than my instinctive fear of change or uncertainty.
Fear is a natural response in the face of change or uncertainty. But it is often the first response and we are meant to move through it to find the wisdom and peace beyond it.